untitled - til line den store skank :]

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untitled - til line den store skank :]

Post  Mia-xx on Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:17 pm

Chapter 1
As soon as the bus door opened, it started raining. Again. I hurried inside, paid my ticket and walked with my head low to the back of the bus. My usual spot. I kept my eyes on the floor, ignoring everyone around me, as they ignored me. It was exactly like any other day. Somehow I was able to remain unnoticed everywhere I went. I didn't mind though, because being invisible was far better than being bullied. I could hear everyone around me talk - happy, content and annoyed that Monday morning had come to show itself once again. I hated these mornings myself, since people somehow noticed a lot more, and I sometimes had a hard time staying invisible. As the bus got crowded, I crept further down in my seat, pulling my hoodie up over my hair and turned the music from my iPod up, so it almost hurt in my ears. I looked out the window and wished that I could be out there instead of in this bus filled with way too many people. Nothing beat sitting in a crowded bus a rainy day like this. Depressing. The bus seemed slower than usual, crawling its way up the long hill, and my fingers started tapping my iPod in staccato. Come on, come on. I closed my eyes, trying to shut everything out, and leaned my head against the window. If anyone was talking about me, making fun of me, or trying to get my attention, I would never know. I wasn't even curios if anyone did, so my eyes remained shut. As the old saying went: "what you don't know, don't hurt". My heart began to follow the beat of the music. Slow, Steady. It was easy to calm down now. I didn't have to think of the others. Just the loud music in my ears. Some people might think that loud music was a weird way to calm down, but to me it was quite normal. In fact I did it every day. The bus came to a halt and I could sense people hurrying out of the bus. I counted to 10 in my head, opened my eyes to an almost empty bus, and got up from my seat. I made a little jump out of the bus. In front of me the student closed the door, hurrying to class. I picked up my pace. If I timed it right, I would make it in to the classroom just in time. I could hear the teacher’s footsteps behind me. On time as usual. I got round a corner and entered the classroom. People talked and papers were thrown round in the air around me, but as I headed towards my seat in the back, I didn't take my eyes off of my feet. The second I sat down the teacher entered and the class got silent. I sighed of relief. Safe for the time being. The teacher immediately started the lessons with some equations on the blackboard. Everybody sighed. They hated math. "Now, who can tell how to solve number one?", the teacher said while writing. An awkward silence fell on the class. "Come on, this was in your homework remember". Still no answer. A student coughed loudly. The teacher didn't turn, but I could hear him breathe heavily, trying to control his anger.
"Okay, is there ANYONE, who actually made this?" I argued in my head, whether I should, or shouldn't raise my hand. I had made it, I knew the answer. It just ruined the whole 'I'm-invisible-you-can't-see-me image. My hand itched. I really wanted to. But I couldn't. If people started noticing me again, who knew what would happen.
Though almost like it moved on it’s on, my hand raised slowly in the air. The teacher looked relieved.
"Oh look! It turns out that someone has done her homework! Great Catherine!" he said and smiled. "Shoot!" I mumbled looking down. "Sorry, I didn't hear you. What is the answer to the first one?" the teacher asked again. "Uhm.." I began, but my voice almost got stuck in my throat. I took a deep breath as I tried to calm down. "5," I said, raising my voice so everybody could hear me. That was probably the biggest mistake in my life. "X is equal 5."
It felt like the people in my class were whispering to each other, about me of course, but I tried to ignore it. "That's correct, well done," the teacher said. I looked up and half of the class was looking at me. I actually heard someone whispering nearby, I only caught a few words, but that was enough. I quickly gathered my things and ran out of the class, the words echoing in my head.
"Geek! Freak!"
"Hey, wait Catherine, where are you-" I slammed the door behind me and cut of the teachers voice. I should never have answered that. Now all the time I had spent on trying to stay invisible was in vain. Where to go? Where to hide? If I could find a good hiding spot, I might be lucky and evade their attention the rest of the day. But that would mean that I had to skip all my classes, and my parents wouldn't approve that at all! Pest or cholera, which to choose? I slowed down until I stood still. I just couldn't ditch the school. The lessons were the whole reason I came to this wretched place. I sat down where I was, buried my face in my hands, but I didn't cry. That would only make it worse, and I knew that. Then they would have another reason to notice me. What if I pretended to be sick the rest of the day? Maybe the rest of the week? Just long enough for them to forget my very existence. But how long would that take? I couldn't be sure. It differed every time and missing a whole month of school would be such a waste. My head started to hurt. If only I had stayed in my bed today.
No. I couldn't let a thing like this ruin my education. All I had to do was shut out everything as I've done a hundred times. That wasn't so hard. Right? I didn’t go home after that, though I wanted to. Instead I found sanctuary in a nearby toilet, where I sat for about an hour, until I was sure the class was over. The coast was supposed to be clear. I flushed once just to pretend I actually did something in the hour or two I sat there. I walked out the stall. I didn’t know whether I was horrified or amused by the sight that greeted me. An actually good looking boy, but with a rather stunned expression stood outside the stall – in the ladies room. In normal circumstances the sight would have amused me, but in this case I wasn’t the watcher of the scene – yeah I was a part of this comedy.
“Uhm, this isn’t the boys room I assume?” he said looking around, trying to avoid my evil stare.
“Oh WHAT made you think that brainiac? The color of the walls or the presence of a lady?” I asked sarcastically. He shrugged.
“Well both I guess,” he said and walked out the door, leaving me furious.




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Re: untitled - til line den store skank :]

Post  Mia-xx on Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:18 pm

I could hear the teacher talk and from the lack of other noises, I could tell the class was actually listening to her. With a little luck (and years of pratice) I might be able to sneak in and find my seat, before anyone really noticed me. I let out a massive sigh, bracing myself.
I opened the door, while studying my feet very intently. Suddenly I noticed the lack of noise, the teacher had
stopped talking. I looked up and realized just how big a nightmare, today was going to be.
I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate harder on my feet as I started to walk towards my seat. Tears tried to force their way through my eyes, but I held them back. It took so much of my concentration that I didn't even notice that my seat was occupied before I was standing right before it. I looked up to a face I sadly recognized as the boy from the ladies room.
I met his confused eyes with a look that surely must have conveyed just a small part of the pain I felt right at that moment. I looked up at the teacher, half-expecting a sadistic smile on her face. Why else did she have to choose my seat to put him in?
"Well..." said the teacher feeling the uncomfortable silence in the room growing deeper" Ehm, Catherine, this is Shawn Michaels. He just moved here from Crawly and..." She paused, having difficulty seeing any good solutions to the fact that I had no seat. Meanwhile I stood there and felt everybody looking at me, especially this "Shawn".
"...I seem to have giving him your desk", she said, clearly trying to smooth out the mood and failing incredibly so: "So why don't you share, while I ask the
janitor for a new one?" The teacher fled. I wished I could do the same. Instead I had to embrace the fact that every single person in the room has their eyes on me, and that I had to share a seat with that weird boy, Shawn. He looked at me, but not the way you would expect new kids to look at their new classmates. No, he actually looked a bit mad. Like I had taken his seat, and not the other way around. I didn't know how to handle the situation at all. Instead of doing the rational thing and just accept the fact that this day was screwed over and Shawn for no reason was angry at me (a part I really couldn't wrap my head around) I became angry. All my nevers turned into timber for the tiny flare that suddenly turned into fire. How dared he? After walking in on me in the bathroom, taking my seat and in general making a tough day even worse, he
dared to look at me, like I was the one to blame??
I glared at him, turned around and marched to the back of the class. This would really hurt me later on, but there was no way I was sitting beside this guy! Those who didn't already look at me, surely did now as I caught my foot on something, and almost fell in front of the entire class. Luckily there was a table in front of me, which I quickly grabbed, holding me up. Laughter fell over the class, and I could feel my face getting even more red than it was before. What had I done to anyone to deserve a day like this? I straightened up once again,
and kept walking until I finally reached the end of the class. I leaned against the wall and was now technically facing all the laughing students, who were watching me eagerly, but I was not going to be their entertainment. I'd had enough. So I just looked at my feet doing nothing more, nothing less. In theory this would eventually bore them so much that they would at least face the teacher, once she returned. Which reminded me, I had not quite thought
through, what I was going to do, once that actually happened. I considered a bathroom pass, but that would only give me a short break from this living hell, and then I would have to walk into the classroom once again. That wasn't a thing I ever wanted to do again. Maybe I could fake a sickness and get the rest of the day off? No, that would only make me a coward, and amuse them even more. Plus I was hopelessly bad at lying. I guess there was nothing I could
do, except sharing that seat, or embarrass myself even more by refusing. But the fire in me was still burning and keeping me from ever sharing my seat with anyone. Especially not him! I glanced at him, the devil without horns, expecting to see a big smile like the rest of them or perhaps just a hint of a laugh. To my surprise there was none. The resentment was still there, somewhat, his anger seemed to have cooled, perhaps because everyone was focusing on me now. Maybe he just didn't like attention. Well, two could talk about that,
But it was not only the resentment I noticed
There was something else... pity? No, he didn't really have that expression of selfglorification, most of those had. Maybe, it was just... curiousity. He caught me staring at him, and locked my gaze. Something in his eyes prevented me from dropping me glance the minute his eyes caught mine. I could swear I saw something burning inside his brown eyes. It was all getting very strange and uncomfortable, until the teacher entered the room again. Thank God, I never thought I'd be so glad to see her again, and most of my worries vanished when I caught sight of the janitors chubby, but kind face appeared through the doorway. He came into the class carrying an old desk, he had fetched from the basement. The teacher seemed mildlyconfused, when she motioned towards Shawn and wasn't able to see me, but she ignorered it, while looking at the clock quite frequently. The janitor made some of the other students move their desk a little further back in the room, so he could put the desk behind my old one. He was trying to be
fair to both Shawn and me, so that none of us would feel, they got a worse seat than the other, but it really annoyed me that I was forced to sit so close to him. Shawn made a motion to move his stuff to the new seat, but I quickly took 5 steps and sat down in my new spot, before he could even rise from his. I did not want him to be able to look at me in class all the time! To my suprise he gave me a quick smile before dropping back in his seat again. I stood there stunned, with a hand on a chair, suddenly feeling very stupid. I quickly shook that feeling off of me, and sat down in my new seat, before I would attract any more attention. And then the day continued like nothing had happened. Like that awkward scene had never even taken place, but it was still stuck in
my head. I spent the rest of the day looking at Shawns neck, trying to convince myself that none of it had happened. That I hadn't humilated myself completely, and that I hadn't seen anything in his eyes. Maybe you can imagine how hard that was. It didn't help that he was in my periphory all the time, making him impossible to ignore completely. I was surprised the guy didn't turn around and tell me to look somewhere else, but then again... that smile. Maybe he didn't mind too much.
Maybe I should come too early tomorrow and move my desk somewhere else. Where I wouldn't be able to see him and think all these weird thoughts. Actually I
should just pay attention to the blackboard and the ignorere the guy.
But even though I spent rest of the class paying strict attention to the teacher's walkthrough of the Reneceance, I was, unfortunatly, unable to not notice every time he he glanced out the window or drew a doodle in his notebook.

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The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you"
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Re: untitled - til line den store skank :]

Post  Mia-xx on Sun Jul 18, 2010 2:19 pm

Chapter 2

I quickly closed the door and tried to catch my breath again as I stood drippingly wet in the entré hall to my house. As I did so, I slowly sat down leaning up against the door and closing my eyes. I must have been sitting out there for awhile, because suddenly the door opened and I cried out in chock, just to hear my older brothers terrified and just as chocked scream. "Cathy", he let out a huge sigh of relief: "What are you doing sitting here?"
The way he said it, made it sound like, it would have been okay, if I had just sat a couple of feet away from the door. But there was no malice in his words, as the next sentence proved:
"Come on, you need to get out of those clothes and most important of all; dry your hair, you're soaked"
As are you, I would have said,
but he quickly grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me upstairs. He pushed me lightly towards my room, and then turned towards the bathroom. A smile touched my lips as I walked into my room quickly followed by a couple of towels, which he'd thrown after me. I didn't catch them, which caused him to laugh a little bit before he closed the door leading into his room. Laughing a little bit of myself too, I bend down to pick the towels up from the floor, and
closed my door as well. Still, after only a couple of minutes I could hear the music crashing through his door and all the way into my room. I didn't mind, though, his taste wasn't that bad. From time to time it would even be inspirering. I threw my bag in a corner and sat down wondering whether or not I should just get the homework out of the way or not. At the same time a little voice in my head thought it was a really bad idea to leave the drenched bag on my wooden floor. As my mother often told me, it was very delicate (supposedly). I laid down on my bed, listening to almost stunning techno with one ear and the almost as deafening rain with the other. I felt very sleepy. My mind became more and more a blur to me, and I closed my eyes. A sudden loud sound from outside woke me up, and I quickly rose from my bed. I regrettet doing that right after I did it, because I almost fainted. "Woah," I mumbled to myself as I made my way to the window in my room, overlooking the whole street. I knew that the house in front of us had been empty and for sale quite a while, but I
didn't know that it was sold, and people were moving in. I stood there for awhile, looking to see if I could get a glimpse of the people moving in, but all I could see was big trucks and furniture covered in plasic. I shrugged and laid down in my bed once again. Maybe I should just go sleep again. As things were at the moment I didn't get enough sleep. The scene in the class certainly did not help. I groaned and turned around. I should not have thought about that. I automatically thought about that guy. Frustration ensued.
Suddenly I couldn't relax. I got up and went to look out the window again, but it now rained so heavily that I could barely see
anything outside.
Hmm... I felt slightly curious about the new family, and if that curiousity could keep my mind of today, then I would explore it a bit. Maybe my brother would know a bit about them. I knocked at his door. It took quite a while and some loud knocks, but he finally opened it. "Why haven't you..." he started but, I quickly interupted him. "Did you know that someone is moving in across the street?" I asked him as I strode past him and entered his room. He hated when I did that, but I had to do it if I wanted to get anything out of him. And maybe I enjoyed it a bit. "Yeah, I saw them on the way home, why?" he frowned looking down at me. He was a great deal taller than me,
so I was kind of used to it. "Do you know anything about them", I said while I looked at some of his posters. They were a bit dark, but very well-painted. One of them showed the Four Horsemen, each with a looming and threatening aura. Which made me wonder, why he listened to that much techno.
"Why do you care abot newcomers all of the sudden", he asked with a peculiar expression. Probably because I had not cared much for that
in the past.
"Just tell me if you know, Eric, I am just curious is all"
He still looked at me with a funny face, but sat down in front of computer with a sigh.
"Well, there isn't really anything to say. I havn't heard anything from Mom and Dad, so... I might have seen a couple looking at the house some time ago, but I really can't be sure" "A couple? how old did they look?" I asked, maybe a bit too quickly. He gaved me a weird look but answered anyway: "Maybe 30 or something. They didn't look old or anything." I could feel my mood drop when he said that. Much to my regret he noticed it. "Is something up, Cathy? You're acting really weird!" I looked up and gave him the best smile I could find. "No, I'm just tired I guess. I haven't
slept much the last couple of days," I said and started to walk out of the room, hoping he would buy my innocent little lie, but not thinking he would. "Seriously, Cathy, you aren't in some sort of trouble, are you?", he said while grabbing my arm.
Sometimes my brother was a bit too perceptive. I gently released his grip and tried to will him into believing me. Of course, me being a very bad liar didn't help me, but fortunatly he let me go. I was of the hook for now, but he would try to talk to me later on, so I would need to find an excuse for
my fatique and bad mood.
Just as I put my hand on the handle and go back into my room again Eric talked to me again:
"You, Mom and Dad aren't home right now, so you could.. you know, go make some noise on that piano of yours. I'll just close my door".
I heard the close behind me, and I felt a wave of gratitude towards him. He really knew me too well. They didn't hate when I played the piano at all. But they didn't like it when I practised the same song over and over again. Actually they weren't too fond of piano music in the afternoon. They're often either tired and/or stressed out after work. I understand them, and enjoy the time I get with my beloved piano. Walking down the stairs I had to fight the urge to open the door and look across the
road. I passed the door and focused on the piano instead. It wasn't anything grand, but I had always loved the old piano in our living room.Though I sometimes longed for the feeling of an authentic, grand piano, (if you tried them once, you would never feel quite the same again) I felt at home as soon as I sat down and felt the cool keys against my fingertips. As always everything around me seemed silent, waiting, eager. I couldn't even hear the techno
anymore. Maybe Eric was listening too. There was only me and the piano. I started out with something classical to make my fingers and thoughts relax, before I would move on to the more challenging, but also amusing part: composing.
I didn't want anything too sad with the rain outside. Instead I went for the beautiful Moonlight Sonata, it intrigued me with it's mysterious tunes. Reminded of
something, but I was not quite sure what, and I didn't want to think about it, at least not now.
I closed my eyes and let my fingers press the different keys. In a way they knew the song better than I did. I let my mind take me away, and i completly relaxed - forgot about everything else than the music. It was so beautiful, and yet so simple. My fingers knew it so well, that playing without seeing the keys, was no problem at all. It rarely was, so therefore I often play with closed eyes. As the song soon came to an end, I let the last deep notes hang in the air, before I started breathing again. Afterwards I felt my shoulders relax. I rolled them a couple of times. They were filled with a lot of stress, I culd feel, but at the moment there was nothing I could do about that. Maybe I shouldn't play for too long tonight. But a little composing had to be acceptable, I though with a
smile. I stretched my fingers and started playing one of my newer projects, an ode to the stream, which in itself wasn't very original, but it made for some very complicated passages, where my left hand had to travel several times up and down the keys, while my right one kept a steady, but slightly changing pattern, to illustrate the falls and depths of the water. I really had to focus to get it right, but everytime I nailed it, it felt unbelievably good. Suddenly my fingers stopped. The piece I had already composed ended there, and usually I would have an inkling of the next passage, a feeling of the rest of the piece. But today my fingers simply wouldn't do as my mind told them to. I sighed. Maybe I just had to play some more? I tried the beginning again, but immediatly stopped. Today just wasn't the day, I wasn't able to concentrate. I left the
keys with a slight feeling of regret, but at the same time I couldn't forcely compose. It just didn't work that way..

sådan line :] write me what you think

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The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you"
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